i thought i would have my new computer cord so i could write at home last night, but alas maybe today will be the lucky day?

i’ve been spending a great deal of time explaining what i’m planning on doing with the next segment of my life. and talking about social justice. alot. i already feel exhausted of it.
but in talking you meet people with similar interests. insights. and instead of being excited at the networking i often feel jealous.
i’ve been debating going to the faith, film, and justice film festival in october. voicing this to my roommate, i began to dissect what exactly ‘puts me out.’

1.yes, i do feel a little self righteous in my cause, easily annoyed by people who are involved because the trend calls them to be. those who talk out of ignorance. (i really don’t want to be associated with them) so instead of correcting, challenging, ignoring, i alienate myself. i choose silence. and sometimes my silence only defeans me.

2.jealousy. there will always be somebody who is doing what i want to be doing. and even doing it “better.” they are well received, well connected, blah, blah, blah. yes i am envious of where they are (yes in my eyes) versus where i am (a bit stuck in the mud). so maybe instead of letting the jealousy build bitter rocks in my soul, i will mingle, rub shoulders, allow myself to be inspired. i alone can do no change. they alone can do no change.
oh
and i too have a voice worth hearing
but they can only hear it when i speak.
and i need to be in their presence for them to hear.
my calendar is marked for Oct 15-18.

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