i want to hit all the buttons on the vhs at once. trust me, its a good movie. i want to rewind to the weekend in portland. or further back to other weekends in other places. play to keep moving. but pause because

i cant even do things like write in a blog daily

or collect myself…make sure i’m REALLY ready to enjoy, be in the day.


wait, no fast forward..to other things, such as

-grad school at PSU…yes the interview went well. if i at least pass the GRE, mail off the application, i should be returning to student status next september.

-kenya. as their intern. an amazing opportunity has maybe found itself in my lap.

however, these are all speculations. its that horrible place to exist.

in-between. i hate that place; it’s like standing inside a cardboard box while its raining and you’re kind of dry, but hoping it stops soon

but because you’re seeking some kind of warmth and dryness,

you stay in the box

and so the ending of the rain, remains completely speculative.

bleh. to speculation. to the place that is somewhere

and yet