a silent presence, a driving reason, a nameless pursuit.

it is taking me a while to collect my thoughts concerning this overwhelming concept, reality.  i keep confusing hope with desire in my mind and though they may be interchangeable, desire relies on hope. hope is what pushes desire into the expectancy of obtaining something better. with confidence, not clouded by worry or anxiety.

i’ve tried to decipher if hope is subjective or objective. is it fair that i have a higher hope for my niece than a child here at the center. (i know, entirely different topic)  ok so maybe we do lower our hopes for certain situations (is that stunting them?) but hope is still hope, conditioned specifically for the soul it is illuminating.

desire is planted, a simple seed of wanting something good. it’s complications begin when it is exposed to the outside elements of doubt, pain, disbelief, guilt, unworthiness.

that is when we ask, search for hope- for confidence that regardless of exposing vulnerability (which is scary as hell), our desires can be fulfilled. a little secret- hope strengthens faith.

i was recently asked ‘why do you do what you do?’ (context: why do you work with hurting, poor, parenting drug addicts)

this summer i was helping a client set up skype on her computer so she could talk with her young daughter her sister “took” to another state. and she was telling me the horrible things her ex-husband did to her when visiting her older daughter around the corner

averting my face from hers to avoid tears, i felt her gaze she looked at me with peaceful eyes and said ‘sheree, i’m worth it. that’s what i’ve had to learn. that i am worthwhile despite all the bad choices i’ve made.’

and this is my hope personified. i think having hope is easier than succumbing ourselves to its very near presence.