You are currently browsing the monthly archive for December 2010.

i can’t stop listening to this new found gem.  it’s made my top album of 2010.  maybe i should be more savvy and reflect my pitchfork influenced tastes, but really, i want to indulge in my rediscovered love of hip hop.

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i am writing to you from my new local coffee shop.  i am {pleasantly} astounded to find coffee that battles the goodness of zoka or herkimer’s.  hello cultiva, we will become good friends in the following year.

i won’t apologize incessantly for the quietness or lack of words.  they were bouncing around in unknown chaos, too frail to be spoken, as any life given to them would have blown them off the shelf, into unknown crevices.

since departing seattle, i have gone through a season of rest. a season of harvest. a season of unknown.  choosing to leave without a clear plan in place may come across as irresponsible; however, i find it more in tune with my restless nature.  in searching for a place to be a part of, to call home, ironically has been found in the surprising discovery that nebraska was calling me back for more than a mere sabbatical.

i still am faced with the reality that this is still becoming ‘home.’  which means i still have lonely waves that easily catch me off guard and whisper doubts that momentarily cause me to question, if truly setting up shop in my home state is a smart move…

i am often asked if i miss seattle.  and in a way i do.  i miss the mountains, mild winters, pcc, kexp, cafe presse and portalis, my familiar routine and of course, a hoard of people.  and as i cultivate my space here, i want them in it. bits of them are represented but it does not make up for their actual presence.  and in coming up with my “new normal,” i am fully aware of hollow places that will eventually be filled with other things but for now, remains empty, padded with missingness.

but i don’t miss the darkness that was often present in my body throughout the duration of my seattle residence.  it was not directly from the city or its people, but from the inward struggle and brokenness i was wading through.  and i can gladly say that season has passed {for now} and made way for other things, but that season was necessary in all of it’s colors.

i have chosen lincoln because of a lovely group of people who believe in community the way i do.  it is not a busy city but it offers many gems which i will highlight another time.  it allows for a simple life.  it allows for the stories woven in my soul to find their words on paper to be spoken again.  it allows for a season of creation.  and after so many seasons of bitterness, darkness and restoration, the opportunity to create is beyond comforting; it is my chance to reclaim what has been forgotten.